This is Water (Or Slap agrees with the writer).

I’ve been complaining a lot lately.

I’ve been complaining in silence and I’ve also been complaining out loud.

About shit in general.

My life, my suffering, my exhaustion, my kids whom are a major annoyance, other parents that I find insufferable, taxi drivers, people on bikes, people not holding the elevator for others, people that judge, people that smile way too much in the morning, people that walk too slow, people that get in my way, people that claim to be happy, people that lie, people that don’t keep their promises, people that are unreliable and mostly people that are stupid.

I’ve been thinking way too much about how this Universe of things and people affects me.

I am on planet Sofia, and God,

What a selfish bitch I am.

Just last night, I realized this.

Because life has its funny ways of showing you how shortsighted you can be at times.

And here I was with terrible insomnia, complaining about it of course - when I decided to turn the light on and read something.

I grabbed that little book by David Foster Wallace.
This is Water.

I had read it a long time ago, but it simply didn’t hit home like it did today at 2 in the morning.

Basically, Foster Wallace explains, in the simplest of ways, that one needs to build some critical awareness about oneself and one’s certainties.

A huge percentage of the stuff we automatically tend to be certain of turns out to be totally wrong and deluded.

(I might lend this little book to my Mom)

It’s like believing that we are the center of the Universe.

Each one of us is.

And even though it sounds repulsive and a large percentage of people would say, “Nah, not me… I am very giving and my family comes first and I think of others and…”

This is in fact, bullshit.

We all suffer from this.

It’s part of our system.

We are all selfish bastards within and it’s not really our fault either – I think.

Because for every little and big thing we experience we are at the center of them. But here’s the catch, we could change the way we think about how every minuscule thing affects us.

We just have to learn how to think.

Because,

And here comes the grand prize,

Freedom comes from such attention and awareness,

And only then (once we start paying attention) we will be able to truly care about other people around us.

I don’t care if all of this sounds way too basic and/or preachy in its tone.

It isn’t.

That fat woman at Duane Reade that just mistreated me this morning, she has a terrible job, she has 5 kids, has no health insurance and no husband to help her.

Probably.

And so I think I don’t have it that bad.

And even though I read the book at 2 A.M. and I was so damn convinced of this truth, today at 7 am when I heard the first scream for milk and the first “Mommy I’m hungry” I wanted to kill myself.

Who the fuck these kids think they are?
Why do they make me suffer so much if I gave them life for God’s sake?

Why don’t they cut me a break after such a terrible nights sleep?

…

Yes,

I did think like this.

And I also had a fight with a parent on the elevator at my Kid’s school.

Again.

Because this man was saying that strollers take up way too much space in the elevator and people should leave them at home.

What a moron.

Let me present you with a 2 year old here, asshole.

And let me share with you the fact that this is NY in case you forgot.

You can go to the suburbs if strollers in elevators annoy you.

So,

This morning I didn’t stop for one second to contemplate the possibility that my kid’s in fact, could be hungry. They are always hungry so I tend to doubt it but still, they were awake and they do have a right for breakfast before going to school.

Also I didn’t search for a reason why this man in the elevator was so bothered by my stroller, I didn’t ask myself if his wife is sick or he just lost his job.

In reality don’t give a shit.

But, I want to.

(Give a shit).

That is the difference.

And I might start trying to “think” about things in a different way.

Find this awareness.

And hopefully find this freedom thing that sounds so awesome.

Starting now.

Once I finish this cup of coffee.

We’ll see how that goes.