Freedom (the wind and the speed and the song)

(Never expected to quote Ronald but this is the era of surprising myself).

I often find wisdom in the most unexpected places. One would expect Plato or the words of Buda – but no -a friend of mine that recently separated from his wife offered me a valuable truth while talking about freedom.

He said that he visualizes freedom as that moment maybe 25 years ago when he would ride his car, speeding, blasting his favorite song, windows down… wind in his face… while thinking "I am so happy I could die."

That is freedom all right.

And it had me thinking about it all night.

And while being the perfect description for feeling free who can speed without thinking, “Damn I better not die today for I must feed the kids and check on their homework.”

 And that’s the end of that.

But once upon a time freedom was that for me too.

The car, the wind, the song.

It still kind of is…

How immature can one be? Already over 40 and still having desires that summon the impossible.

Here I am with a daughter that has nightmares about me disappearing on her and that tells me that I have to accept her like she is (while wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a gladiola in her hair). And a son who’s almost 5 and can’t understand - for the life of me - the implications of scooting away when there’s a red light.

Red is stop, white is go and he looks at me and says I love you Mom.

He doesn’t give a damn.

I live my life speeding behind him.

I live my life singing One Direction songs with her.

I live my life with wind on our faces every morning when we are running late to school.

I still have the speed and the song and the wind – but with them.

I may not be as free as I was when I was 20 but I am way smarter now. Freedom nowadays is doing what I love and being my own boss, having late dinner at a restaurant with my kids on a school night, taking a dance class in the middle of the day, running from Manhattan to Brooklyn, choosing who to hang out with, saying no, saying yes, falling down and immediately picking myself up.

Freedom is many things but mostly it is staying true to myself.

My new therapist who’s the best therapist in the world - mind you - reminded me during our very first session that truth will set you free.

And,

I’m on that quest.

Full speed on.

Feeling the wind and also singing the song.