Ale Llamas, Monica Naranjo and buying under the influence.

The world is not the same as it was when I was younger (in my twenties). Oh God it’s “so not” the same and I imagine that’s a good thing too.

Now in my forties a good friend of mine departed forever, others have disappeared, some stay close and some are always kind of present by my recurrent memories.

Like Ale Llamas, one of my dearest friends during that twenties decade. We were very tight during those important years and that friendship made me a stronger person, no matter how selfish I was in it in the end (I had said I was sorry and today I say it again).

I've never been good at communicating with those I see infrequently, it’s a horrible mistake that I want to fix -- I am as always -- a work in progress.

Then my mind starts wondering and heading back, reaching out. 

Again and again.

The other night I made the terrible mistake of browsing I-tunes after a couple of tequilas and I let my memories get the best of me -- and my credit card.

And it was only until this morning that I realized how far I took my shopping spree. As I put the shuffle on and started my run I couldn’t understand what Miguel Mateos, Gloria Trevi (!!!!!) Alex Syntek, Maná and Monica Naranajo (among many others) were doing in my music library.

Shit was I surprised! I must have spent hours buying all those tunes -- that as tacky as they are -- remind me of important passages of my life.

I can’t remember how many times Ale and I must’ve danced “Sólo se vive una Vez” and I do remember that it was always exhilarating, to say the least.

This morning I had to stop, sit and listen to the song. It even brought one stupid tear to my eyes. Memories can do that and nostalgia can trap us if we allow it to happen.

So I did. Get trapped for an instant. It made me smile too.

My communication did fail me at many times and friends became out of sight but never out of heart.

And I let people that I considered indispensable become momentary players in my life. It was wrong.

My story with Ale is a good one. We shared too many laughs and too many tears. This song – this horrendous song -- is for you.

Today Mónica Naranjo it's the one connection that brought back many good memories, it’s 11 am and I am still going through the archive…

Thank God Mother's Day is over.

My friend Al thinks I am crazy for hanging out with my kids without the company of another adult – or worst yet – the company of other kids.

She has a pretty good point.

On Saturday night as we were both eating dinner she asked me what I did during the day,

I said,

- “I took the 3 scooters and the three of us scooted to the West Village and had lunch at Corsino, It sounds lovely but it was fucking exhausting”

As I hear myself say the word “exhausting” I feel like an idiot. It was beyond exhausting, it was like an ongoing loop of the whining national anthem. Juliana complained every minute of the journey, which lasted 5 hours. She complained about the heat, the helmet, the shoes, the leggings, the scooter, the wheels of the scooter, the height of the scooter, she complained about the food, the juice, she complained about the blisters in her hands caused by the monkey bars, she complained about Diego riding in my scooter, she complained about my lack of understanding, she complained about every fucking little thing that happened between leaving home and coming back.

So, between the carrying of Diego and his scooter (he got tired too fast) while maneuvering my own scooter (which is damn heavy) and addressing Juliana's complaints department, it was a little too much.

Al says to me,

- “Why the fuck do you do this to yourself?”

And continues,

-“That’s why I always tag along with friends, my kids are much better that way”

It’s true, I’m the queen of boycott.

The next day to celebrate Mother’s Day (sans husband again), I took my kids to Coney Island. Of course this was more their celebration than mine, but that’s another story.

However I took them with my friend Andrea and her kids.

And Juliana didn’t complain much.

At least not enough for me to even remember, which is kinda new.

But also having an adult handy to just say “kill me now” from time to time, does help. Oh yes it does. 

I might start changing my ways from now on.

Anyway,

Happy Mother’s Day, mothers.

Who the fuck celebrated that stupid holiday?

Not me.

… Not me.

¡Ay qué susto, que susto!

Pobrecitos Panistas que andan agobiados con el pecado mortal de Natalia Juárez. ¿Cómo se atrevió la candidata del PRD a poner en su campaña una imagen de ella “topless”?

La pena es que no se le ven las tetas completas.

Menos mal, porque los Panistas parece que se asustan con los senos de las mujeres. O consideran que solo sirven para alimentar a los críos, siempre que sea en pri-va-do.

Natalia dice que su campaña, para la cual tuvo dos pesos, es “provocadora, diferente y sin prejuicios” y a mi me parece fantástico que lo sea.

Hay que ser las tres cosas para lograr reacciones, además si el camino de antes no les ha funcionado, hay que buscar uno nuevo.

Bravo a ella y a todas las mujeres que aparecen en la foto por no caer en la payasada del retoque oficial de los candidatos. Arriba las arrugas, las lonjas, los tatuajes y lo que se nos de la gana mostrar. Es nuestro derecho siempre y cuando respetemos el derecho de los demás.

Arriba Juárez.

Y arriba Natalia ¿su sobrina?

In denial or not? Work life has evolved...

I really don’t miss the office life.

I don’t.

Or at least it feels like I don’t. But sometimes I wonder if I’m on denial.

I’m not one of those persons that goes around blindfolded (to say the least) I usually see the truth as it is and my feelings come out with full-blown explosions.

That is why I really had to stop for a second and ask myself, do I miss the office life?

The waking up and running to the office, the sharper outfits, the lunches in my desk, the aisle chats, the aisle laughs, the politics, the clients screaming, the deadlines… do I miss it?

I guess I miss some of it.

I saw Marica this morning after having breakfast at the dinner and before heading to my office – to my one-single-person office – I miss having company.

I wanted Marica to come with me.

I just found this picture of me sitting in my office of 12 years - the one that I said goodbye to - last October.

I look at that woman in the picture and I look back at the same woman (now) sitting here, in her silent office filled with sunlight.

Many things are the same but there's definitely less noise around here and I’m not wearing heels. I am wearing Converse’s. I have no major phone calls or meetings, I do have deadlines but I am ok with it and I will have time for yoga at 1 pm.

You know what?

I am happier now.

Here.

(But I do miss you Marica…)

Bill Clinton sent me a (love) letter.

I have been waiting for my green card for the last 15 years (not too patiently anymore) so when I received a letter from Bill Clinton in the mail yesterday, I almost thought it was he - granting me my wish - after all, I have been a loyal and loving fan of his ever since he got elected the first time. And I stayed by his side while he was facing that ridiculous impeachment process.

(Those who so censoriously intruded into the sex lives of the American President and all other American citizens on politics, on campus and in the workplace, should go live in another era. Like my friend Al says, "Just sayin'").

In the letter Bill sent me, he’s asking for my vote and asking for my money. Sadly I cannot give him neither. I would if I had a green card, In fact I would love to make a deal with him too, “Help me with my green card Bill and I will cut you a check (I will make the effort or even steal if I have to) and you should know that Obama had my vote since his first hello”

I love Clinton and I love Obama, I have a lot of trouble understanding why people continue to blame Obama for the state of this nation. How can they fail to see this all obviously started with that retrograde of a President that ruled before him (I hate to pronounce his name) and the Republican Party has tried everything to ruin all of Obama’s good-doings. Cut Medicare? Cut environmental protection? Ignore workers rights? Continue the war on women from contraception to basic healthcare? What the fuck Republicans! You belong downstairs (hell).

I really would love to have some Obama haters take a look at the Mexican candidates. Now those are really incapable of ruling a country - and that’s a very sad story - but I won’t go there now.

Bill is supporting Obama because he sees what most of the conservatives in this country have not bothered to see, Obama and the democrats are a much better choice than the GOP. They are in fact the only choice.
Obama and the democrats are for the people.
The GOP is for the ignorant, the rich and the stupid. 

Not a good group of people.

Alex Avant (son of Motown great Clarence Avant) told the Hollywood Reporter “Everybody loves Bill Clinton for the same reason they love any natural celebrity. He’s a rock star!” 

I agree. 

Even feminists love him, it’s really hard not to, I heard a psychologist saying once, “Clinton is literally omnivorous, he would gobble up all the hamburgers and women in the world if he could. He wants to suck everything up, have it all, cram life with every sensation and emotion. His moods go up and down and no day is long enough for him”

I love this description - to me he has the complexity of a Rock Star – or better yet, an amazing woman.

So Bill, I love you and I love Obama. I wish I could vote for him on the upcoming election but sadly I’m not a resident yet.

Thanks for the letter though.

It was nice to think of me.

I fucking laughed.

Whoever said, “Laughter is good for the soul” wasn’t kidding.

There’s nothing better than laughter.

I am now convinced that laughing really hard might be better than sex.

And don’ get me wrong - I do love sex - but laughing gives me a longer lasting effect (I’m really good at recycling jokes). I still remember what made me laugh 10 years ago.

My life has become a fucking challenge and the list of things I have to do - in order to float - keeps getting longer. I have accumulated more stress in my body than I know how to manage. So there was something that needed to be done and I did it. 

I laughed.

I laughed so hard and laughed non-stop for three days with my friends.

A week ago I wrote an entry for Mamas Latinas in which I shared the benefits of laughing, like lower stress levels, stronger immune system, good moods, lower bad cholesterol and higher good cholesterol etc etc… Who cares? These are not the really the reasons why I love to laugh. 

A good laugh can change more than my mood, it can shift my whole perspective on things, and the world becomes a more cheerful place (and I do hate the word cheerful). When I laugh it seems as if anything is possible. Laughter helps me clear my mind and allows me to focus on the present moment. 

I cannot break into laughter and think of my piling problems at the same time, it’s one or the other – so I laugh. Because through laughter I gain clarity and I achieve (very much needed) detachment. 

A good laugh between friends is one of the best things in life. It is fascinating to watch how a good laugh establishes a bond between us. Laughter helps to break down barriers and create common ground. I will be recycling the new stories for a very long time. 

Thanks Al, Isa, Jill, Sarah… it’s great to have you in my life.
Thanks Pavis, Mara, Mariana, Maria, Eris, Pancha, I miss you.
Thanks Fernando for opening the gate.
Thanks Doña Kika for the most amazing meals.
Thanks Mom for lending us your paradise.